you could liken me to anything, and be correct. i am now a scrambled amalgamation of recent experiences. there is no past. there is a reluctant future. there is no skill -- lessons have vanished. there is no natural talent.
there is pride, but why?
there is far less intelligence than there used to be. far less bitterness, too. what little is left is now unfounded, as its reasons and motives have been forgotten. self-knowledge has dissipated. insight has been left behind. what remains is not the bare essentials, but floating opinions and prejudices and clouded knowledge of half-truths that have no backing.
i feel this place is on its way to becoming an archive in the truest form: old and stagnant, gathering dust as time goes by. i panic. i want to fill it. but whatever quality there used to be has crumbled.